Grocery Gremlin. 

Can someone explain to me how to get through a grocery store with children without going completely crazy? 
Let me set the scene for you…

I go grocery shopping once maybe twice a month. And I couldn’t go home after work today without getting stuff. And even though I was starving (because I ran out of time before work taking care of the baby’s poop she shot up her back), the baby was asleep in the car so I knew I had to go then. Well, the moment I get there she wakes up once I take her out of the car. Ok no problem. She’s probably in a good mood since she took a nap. I’ll just bring in her cup and some puffs because she will probably be hungry soon. And I’ll bring in three of her favorite toys. Some cheezits. And maybe download a Mickey Mouse video while I’m in there. Ok, cool. I got this.

We are walking around and she’s pointing out everything she sees. Aww so cute. And she’s in a good mood. Sweet. So we’re talking and giggling and having a great time as I’m speed shopping through the store. Round the third isle and a sweet old lady says, “aww she’s so cute. I can’t believe you had a baby you’re a tiny thing. What’s her name? She’s precious. Etc Etc.”

Nora proceeds to give her her infamous stink eye and grunts at her like a gremlin. I’m sending mother-like telepathic signals to her right now to be nice and smile and be the cute baby she normally is. Nope. Not working. I apologize to the lady and, of course, she still thinks it’s cute.

Round isle four. Better break out the crackers. She eats a few, grabs the bag and dumps them on the floor. Then proceeds to whine because they are all gone. Oh no. It begins. I’m cleaning them up and of course see 2 people I know. She scowls and grunts at them too. Ok, let’s get the toys. I’m practically power walking through the store. Deciding I can go a few more weeks without things. One by one they get thrown on the floor, picked up, thrown on the floor, I put them back in my bag. See 3 more people I knew. At this point I’m starting to get a little flustered and just want to leave. Why did I attempt this alone again? I knew I should have brought my husband. She scowls and is now screaming. She screams at the top of her lungs down the aisles. 50% think it’s cute and the other 50% want to kill me. I pick her up and carry her through the store while pushing a full cart and trying to shop as she’s pulling my hair and still screaming. I threaten no ice cream after dinner. Like she cares. See 2 more people we knew. Can’t I just get out of this store? 

Put her back in the cart and give her some puffs. Throws half on the floor and half in her mouth. I’m sorry store, I gave up on picking them up. Go to check out and now she’s fine. Sitting in the cart playing with my bracelet. Throws bracelet on the ground. Screams. I pick it up and give it back. Throws. Pick up. And now I’m heading out the door. Lady stops us at the door, “oh my goodness your baby is so cute she looks like a little sweetie”…..

I get in my car and just laugh.

Motherhood at its finest. 😄😫😭 

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