This is me. Driving home from my first counseling session. Now before you think ‘OH NO! What’s going on?’, ‘What happened?’, Or even the infamous, ‘What’s wrong with you’? Here me out…
I guess I always thought of postpartum depression as a stage after pregnancy when some moms thought ill thoughts about their child. Little did I know that I was totally wrong.
I wish when I went in for my routine post natal exam that someone would have asked how I felt mentally and how I truly felt deep in my soul. I wish they would have said it was normal to feel helpless, defeated, overwhelmed and sad. It was ok to feel angry and irritated at the world at any given second. Even to darker places that you never thought your mind would go. That some days you would just sit on the couch all day and try your hardest to trick your mind into being happy, but at the same time feeling worse because you felt bad for not being happy in front of your kids. It’s a vicious cycle. One that I feel all too well.
I felt all of these things and many more.
And I just want you to know that it’s ok.
It’s ok to feel depressed.
It’s ok to feel anxiety.
It’s ok to feel the way you do and still be a good mom.
You’re a good mom.
And sometimes all you need is someone to talk to. Someone who isn’t your family and someone who isn’t your friend.
Don’t keep your feelings to yourself.
YOU’RE A GOOD MOM!
You’re a good mom for realizing there’s a problem and you’re a good mom for wanting to help yourself. And I stress those last two words. HELP YOURSELF.
Like my husband says, ‘you can’t take care of the kids, if you don’t take care of yourself’.
So I go to counseling for me. It’s my time. Not mommy time. Not wife time. Or business owner or blogger. Just me. It’s a time when I leave the kids and my husband and all of my daily duties and I just sit there. I’m just Britni. Sitting in a room, talking. Telling my life story. Contemplating. Venting. Laughing. Crying. Pacing back and forth. Sitting in silence. Breathing. And ultimately, rediscovering who I am.
I lost myself along the way of becoming a wife and mom. And the day I realized this was a big day. It felt as if my heart dropped. I remember it clearly and the feelings I felt still pull at my heart strings. It was a hard decision to even tell my husband that something was wrong. I didn’t want to taint the image or thoughts that my husband has of me. I always want to be the supermom and the perfect wife. But now I ask myself, at what personal sacrifice?
“Your kids don’t want a perfect mom, they want a happy mom”. A sentence I have to remind myself of daily.
Now I’m not saying that counseling is the saving grace and everyone should try it, because I’m sure for some it’s not the best thing. However, counseling was probably the best thing I could have ever done for myself and even my family. The negative stereotypes of people who go to counseling needs to break. There’s nothing wrong with it. Going to a counselor allows me to better myself. It keeps me healthy in more ways than one. It allows me to set a good model up for our children and allows me to be the best wife I can be to my husband.
I’m helping myself.
So this is me…leaving my first counseling session to help myself so I can be ok for my kids. Truly ok.
You should never feel alone. So many women experience the same thoughts and feelings you are. Do you think I’d be writing this right now if I wasn’t one of them?
Please know that should you ever need someone to talk to that I am here for you! I get it! I’m right there with you.
I suffered in silence, but I shouldn’t have.
You are a good mom.
All my love,